The farther I go, the more I have to do.

There’s some maxim somewhere (I’m trying not to google too much) where someone said ‘the more you know, the less you understand.’ Forgive me for paraphrasing. In terms of pre-production, it’s very true.

Before you decide to make a movie, as most of you probably know, it feels calm. You feel excited and inspired. The impetus pushing you to start a project is pure and beautiful and calm and lovely and then you decide to make something and all hell breaks loose. It’s all because of post-project amnesia.

Somehow I had blocked out all that I went through with Bread and Butter. I had forgotten every lucky break. I’ve always been grateful, but sometimes I forget why I’m full of that indebtedness.

Now, the farther I get into pre-production on this new film - even though we have not one cent of money - the more I remember of all the travails of our first film.

At least I’ve been through it all before, but I’m constantly shocked - on every project I’m a part of - how many lucky breaks come to you last minute. What if that muse doesn’t come through? What if crew bails? What if location falls through? The show must go on, but at some point the luck must run out as well.

What is pretty fresh in my mind is that the sigh of relief when the film is finished was almost depressing to me. You mean I don’t have this best friend of a film to hang out with every day anymore?

So basically I’m looking forward to a really hard, really terrifying experience for the next few years that will only leave me with pride and sorrow. And why do we do it?

We ask each other this all the time. Over drinks, during meetings. Why do we do what we do? It’s really fucking hard. At a glimpse, it all looks so silly.

I have no idea. I have this drive to make another movie and I can’t ignore it. I have this story in my mind and I have to get it out and I have this character that I’m obsessed with having the world see. Sure the world can be just the audience of my parents and maybe a few close friends - but that’s enough for me. I just have to have it out of my head.

I guess we do it because we have to.


Here we go.